Have you ever heard someone in your life say, “That’s the way it is, I’m not meant to…” I’m sure you can fill in the rest of the sentence with many different scenarios..
I was having a conversation with a client the other day, who wants to have a loving relationship with a man, but she keeps getting let down (in her words). She always ends up being disappointed and lied to, and now thinks and says she is destined to live her life alone. She also justifies this existence because her friends also think they are destined to be on their own too. They talk in a way that is negative and destructive about their relationships. And they are not consciously aware that they attract what they think.
There is a better way
Becoming conscious of how we think, and the language we use in our everyday lives, is one of the biggest keys to living a happier, more joyful, better life.
Are you ready to make the changes to do that? Or are you so scared of change that you would rather stay unhappy and settle?
I know a woman who has been in a barely bearable relationship with her husband for over 20 years. She complains about him and she says she wants him to change his ways. She wants a man who is loving and understanding and fun! She says she wants all this and has been saying this for the last 18 years. She has settled. She wants her relationship to change but she doesn’t want to change, she wants everything around her to change. Does that sound familiar?
The thing is we become stuck in our stories. We retell them time and time again to anyone that will listen. What that does is keep us in the energy of the story. It takes us back into the story and we continue the cycle. The worst thing is that our friends, family and colleagues will agree with us and make suggestions on what we should do if they were us and how they think we should change AND we still won’t make the changes. Now is the time for change. Let go of our stories and begin to live the life we know we want.
Conscious living, and the coaching Kathy and I do, is designed to get you out of your story and into your now. The energy is fresh in the now. It is full of endless opportunities, possibilities and change.
“The best way to create your future… Is not from your past, but from the unknown!”Dr Joe Dispenza.
We’re more comfortable with blame, guilt, judgment and justification than we are with the unknown. The unknown is a scary place. We can’t predict what’s going on. We can’t know what’s going on. And then we start to feel uncomfortable and self-talk ourselves out of change. We say it’s too hard, that we will never be able to do it, and that we don’t have the willpower. We make excuses. We look at our past failings and use them as reasons not to change. Are you recognising yourself, friends or family members?
We are conditioned to think that if something is uncomfortable it’s not good for us. Can you imagine if we did that as babies, toddlers and children? We would just lay where we were, we would never try to crawl, walk or talk. Why do you think kids scream and cry so much? They have to go through being uncomfortable, scared,… to grow and develop.
- What happens when we get to adulthood? Do we forget that?
- What if we reminded ourselves, once a week, once a day or even more, that we are powerful human beings with a brain and innate wisdom that when we access it and act on our conscious thoughts we can make the changes that lead to a happier, more successful, healthier, wealthier life.
- What if we encourage ourselves just like we would a toddler learning to walk. Wow, what would we achieve?
Here’s a challenge for you
Think of something you want to change in your life.
Would you like to have a loving, long term relationship; or to lose weight, learn to drive, drink less, change your job, your house, your attitude?
Ask yourself, I wonder what would happen if I did:
- Learn to drive
- Drink less
- Change job
- Move house
- Change my attitude
Then listen consciously to your response. Is it positive or negative?
It’s probably going to be negative. Something like… I’ve tried before and it didn’t happen, I don’t know where to start. Something always happens that turns it into a drama!
When you become more self aware and learn more about yourself, you will recognise some of YOUR thoughts can be based on another person’s perspective. An example of this is when a parent wants to protect their child. They place their own views of what is dangerous onto that child; it is not done on purpose, but subconsciously, and this child could grow into an adult with the fears of their parents inside them. They have their parents’ perspective on things like, going out with wet hair, eating mud, flying, money, and love.
There is another way
Take a moment to look back at your childhood to see if you can recognise your parents or teachers’ opinions.
I recognise now that my headmistress identified me as someone who challenged authority. (which I thought was a good thing at the time and still do). This was her perspective of me which, because she made me feel it was NOT a good thing, changed how I saw myself. I now know that it made her life easier if she made me feel bad about challenging her. It stopped me from doing it! (Until I realised that it was more about her and what she wanted, than me and who I was.)
Questions for you to consider:
- Are you holding onto someone else’s perspective of you?
- Are you a glass half full or glass half empty kind of person?
- Is it your opinion or your family’s outlook?
- Do you have a victim mentality?
- When someone gives you feedback how do you react?
Let’s change perspective
Your boss calls you into the office. The first thing you think is “What have I done now?”, or “It’s about time I got that pay rise/promotion” or “Who do I have to fill in for now?”
How you think affects your life. Instead of the above reactions, before you go into the office, clear your thoughts and be open to whatever unfolds.
Ultimately, although you are not in control of this particular situation, the shift in your mindset can help you to be in control of your reactions. There may also be subconscious feelings going on. That sinking feeling in your stomach or your heart pumping faster or a general feeling of doom. Check your perspective. Recognise your thoughts and feelings. Change them.
I recommend you watch the film Eat, Pray, Love. There’s a scene when she’s trying to meditate at a retreat in India and all she can think about is how she can decorate her meditation room. She comes out of the room angry and frustrated and another guest says, “The meditation room is within, you have to learn to select your thoughts, the same way you select your clothes everyday. The only thing you should be trying to control is the mind. Cos if you can’t master your thoughts, you’re in trouble forever”.
We love to be in control of everything, when the only things we need to be in control of are…
…yes, say it with me.. our thoughts.
Put the time into recognising how you think, instead of wishing for someone to change their thinking. Figure out who you are and what you want. Everything else will fall into place.
There is so much more to write about Conscious Living and so many tools and resources to share. That’s why we’ve set up the Conscious Creators Membership – your coach in your pocket. It’s an app providing you with constant support, development, fun and community to make the journey of life a conscious one that leads to joyful freedom. Click here to find out how to join us. We’d love to see you there.
When life gives you lemons – get creative!